TIGHTROPE WANKER and other Poses I Don’t Get: Part III
Here we have it, my final instalment of the mini-series ‘Poses I Don’t Get’. The poses we models pull out that make no sense, but that we know will go down a treat with the client. First up today we have…
Look 4: The 70’s (male) Pornstar Pose!
Why it works: It gives you a good amount of angles, curves and limb elongation for a landscape shot that’ll fit on 1 page. You don’t just blend into the floor which you might do it you slump, and it stops the clothes crumpling up too much.
Why I hate it: It looks like I should be lying on a shag-pile carpet that matches my hairy chest, acres of which is revealed ‘just so’ by my loosely tied silken dressing gown. I imagine the camera as a fully-bushed woman who I’m trying to entice into a romantic tryst by my roaring fire. I am just missing the handlebar moustache and wafts of ‘Sex Panther’.
By the way, I’m wearing my favourite Ted Baker blue suede shoes, to which I have previously written an Ode. The kilt is from Beyond Retro in Dalston and the polo neck is a (whisper it) thermal from Uniqlo.
Look 5: TIGHTROPE W*NKER!
Why it works: It’s dynamic without having to move too much and others might call it endearing (or, forgive me, ‘quirky’).
Why I hate it: Fine if I’m on a tightrope, but I’m clearly on a solid, large floor! I bring this one out a lot but I am filled with a mild self-loathing when I do.
I think this one’s fair enough…
…Cos I am actually near a large body of water I’d be keen to avoid when fully clothed. But I just don’t get why I would do the balancing pose on stable, solid land! Although, to be fair, I am known for my lack of balance and ability to fall over when simply standing upright, doing nothing. So maybe I’m being hard on myself.
I’m wearing a vintage Miss Selfridge dress I got off Ebay for a date with an ex-boyfriend. I was going through a ‘Sabrina the Teenage Witch’ phase. I still am. The shoes are ancient Adidas ones but no other sneakers compare, even though these ones have holes and scuff marks.
Click on the photos below to see the previous 2 entries to ‘Poses I Don’t Get’!
Look 1 & 2…
Do let me know on my Facebook, Instagram or Twitter what other poses you’d like to see. Or just comment below, of course. I know I certainly had a lot of fun doing them and I’d love to get your ideas for a few more!