Modelling & Shame
Oh yes. Shame. If you want to be a model, get used to the feeling of shame, because it’s about 70% of the job. Thought it was all glamour, sexy dresses and being told you’re wonderful? Think again!
Here are just some of trillions of face-palm instances that stick out in my mind as the most embarrassing things I’ve done….
The Armed Robbery Casting: That casting I had to pretend to be an armed robber, holding up a bank with my imaginary gun. I had to walk into a room of strangers and shout the first things that came to mind at the top of my voice. Did I mention that I had to be in my underwear? Oh – and it was all captured on film – every last take *shudders*.
It reminds me of the comedy sketch ‘Fiery Hawk’…Have a look, this is the reality that all models live…
The Unicorn Casting: I had to wear a flowery dress and pretend to tiptoe through a meadow, picking daisies. And then I saw…wait…what was that….a unicorn?! I then tentatively approached said unicorn, then look deflated as it ran away from me. Finally, I had to skip towards the unicorn and look in wonderment as I pretended to stroke it. It’s on film, somewhere, for blackmail purposes no doubt. PS, the most embarrassing ones are always filmed by the hottest men, tears of silent laughter streaming down their face.
Laughing: Take any shot of a model laughing. Then imagine that each shot takes around twenty minutes. That’s twenty minutes of fake laughing – no mean feat – especially surrounded by a completely straight-faced team and, if your lucky, baffled members of public. Your mouth starts twitching, which is the worst bit.
The Hayfever Pamphlet: This was at an old agency, and not their finest hour, booking wise. It was meant to be an 8 grand job for a medical company but, after being cast, it somehow went down to £350 for a humble hayfever pamphlet to be seen in doctor’s surgeries. Glamorous.
So anyway, I had to wear skyscraper Louis Vuitton heels, a D&G slinky cocktail dress…and a WW2 Gas mask. Can you imagine how stupid I felt? I also had to ‘put all of the intensity of my expression into my eyes’. A hard-earned £350 indeed.
When you’ve been around the block, like me, you take these jobs in your stride. It’s all part of modelling – but I can remember how tough it was not to feel stupid when I started. My best advice is this: just remember that everyone on the shoot wants to get rapped up and home to his or her family and TV shows as early as possible. Every time you giggle nervously or don’t commit to the shot, you’re being the annoying one that’s keeping them from Neighbours. Just do it and get it over with – it’s all anyone wants you to do.
Oh and remember – each shameful experience is balanced out by the confidence it gives you to face life. Blind date? Pah! That’s nothing on the time I had to kiss a complete stranger who smelled like cheese & onion crisps! Big acting role at school coming up? Pah! Once I had to leap like a panther on stage at the Royal Albert Hall!
Horrible at the time, modelling shame can be very liberating.
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